Ever wondered if a “real friend” really exists? Or just another buzzword? 

Social media never run out of definitions for it: “someone you won’t feel embarrassed being around”, “someone who always misses you”, “someone who’s seen you crying” – these are just some of the many, as you’ll always find slightly altered versions from one site to another. 

If we try to fit our friends into these definitions, we might fall into the trap of binary thinking e.g. he’s either a true or fake friend; she doesn’t care about me, just because she fails to take this box.

It’s okay to question your friendships. Not THAT serious.

What means by “real” is absolutely personal. Each of us has our own set of attributes to look for in an ideal friend: while you may seek someone who mirrors your thoughts, others may look for people who’re completely different and challenge their perspectives. Sometimes, time does not weigh as much as we expected when it comes to friendship – brief encounters can be life-changing or strikingly chemical, and you ain’t even be able to tell “why” that person holds a special place in your heart.

Definitions of “real friend”? Take them as a reference is fine. Just don’t let them devalue your friendships or the meanings these encounters serve in your life.

Leave the checklist alone

While it’s important to stay away from toxic friends who drain or take advantage of you, it does no harm to stick around anyone you feel comfortable with. When I was staying in a company for a 3-month project, I met a designer who might be seen as a weirdo to some: it’s rare for her to get emotional as she can only “understand a feeling intellectually” instead; she laughs when a person sitting two rows behind was crying for a tragic romantic scene. Although we can talk for 2 – 3 hours revolving around our other friends, workplace, values, ideas, life, and more (basically anything), we meet once in around six months.  

We don’t see each other often; she seldom texts me and has never seen me cry. If I have to assess this friend with the above definitions, she must have fallen short of the “requirements” of a “real friend”. But she is. 

So our heartfelt advice is: dump the list, trust your intuition. Nobody else but you can tell who’s the best for you. When you no longer fixate on the definitions from others, you embrace what you truly want –  the first step towards finding your “real friends”.

Start from chatting virtually

Regardless of how many tips we give, it won’t make a change if no action is taken. Luckily, technology has made our lives much easier – instead of going somewhere aimlessly or go to a club to test your luck, there are many more carefree options to meet someone new. You can also start or dump a conversation whenever as you like.

As a social app based on emotional and even spiritual connections, Soul demonstrates a well-balanced play between “the yearning to meet someone” and “being too shy to get in touch with a stranger”. With our AI technology, we match individuals who share similar values and thoughts with you, making it less of a pain to find someone compatible.

What’s more, you can say goodbye to more-than-required self-disclosure: you don’t even have to show your face, just make sure your avatar shines, be yourself and open up.

Bon voyage for your next friendship!